


Finding Merlin

by Tamasha



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Accidents, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Boys' Love, Cats, Established Relationship, Feels, First Meetings, Fluff, Gay, Kissing, Light Angst, Love, M/M, Memory Loss, Modern Era, New Year's Eve, One Shot, POV First Person, Party, Relationship(s), Romance, Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-18
Updated: 2016-07-18
Packaged: 2018-07-24 21:17:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7523467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tamasha/pseuds/Tamasha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My name is Merlin Emrys. I am 25 years old. It is December 16th, 2015. I live in Brighton, United Kingdom.<br/>Except it's April 21st, and I keep forgetting that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Finding Merlin

**Author's Note:**

> written by Tamara

My name is Merlin Emrys. I am 25 years old. It is December 16th, 2015. I live in Brighton, United Kingdom.

 

I woke up in a hospital bed. That is the last thing I remember from today. Actually, I remember being in a car with a blond man too, but that memory feels more like a dream. I think I dreamed that.

 

I found out today his name is Arthur. The man that always seems to be around. Mum is here in hospital, but if I'm hurt it makes sense for my own mother to be here. This man, though, Arthur, he just hovers, uncertain. It's strange. He's nice, but he's always sad. I asked him how we knew each other and he just shook his head and said that he was just looking out for me and that I should get some rest. I did get some rest, but I dreamed about his smile.

 

I remember waking up in my bed this morning. But that's the last thing I remember since Christmas. I met a man today who knew me, even though I didn't know him. It seems to happen a lot where I will meet a person who already knows me. The man I met today, is named Arthur. He's really nice to me. He came over with Mum, bringing me bags of groceries. I don’t remember why Mum is shopping for me, but they told me to stay in bed. I obeyed because when I tried to get up anyway both seemed so frightened, I thought better of it. Didn't want to scare them. Arthur seemed like he feels guilty for something. The whole day he would avoid eye contact and apologized for everything. Everything. Maybe he's a criminal. A bank robber! I don't know. He's probably not. He seems too nice. I liked him, but he seems scared of me.

 

Today I woke up and they told me it was summer, not Christmas time. I thought I had just had Christmas dinner with my family the night before. I was so ready to open my new Star Wars DVD and watch it with Mum, but she brought it to me and it was already opened. It had a coffee stain and the corner of the plastic was broken. It didn't look new at all. A quiet pretty blonde man was over with her and told me I had had an accident recently. Mum said that I was asleep for a long time and now have trouble remembering things and I get confused about what time of year it is. She says that I could get better, but the brain is a funny thing. The blond man took my hand, grimacing, and said he thought I  _ would  _ get better. That made me feel better, but Mum just shook her head and left the room.

 

I don’t know why, but I forgot who my cat was. I remembered her when they brought her back to my flat. How could I forget little Taffy? She's black and white with a crooked tail and much too adorable to forget. I don’t think I will forget her anymore after this, no matter how bad they say my memory is. Arthur says she is my best friend in the whole world. He said it as if he was kidding, but he seemed sad about it too. I still laughed, which made him smile, but it still seemed forced. Maybe Taffy truly is my best friend. Maybe Arthur is jealous. He stayed with me through lunch and made sure Taffy and I had everything we needed before he left in the evening.

 

My best friend is Will. I remembered that today. But Mum says that I haven’t talked to Will in months. I couldn't remember why that was, he and I had been friends since kindergarten. Then I called Will and he told me he was sorry for everything that had happened. When I told him I didn’t remember what he was apologizing for, he cried. I seem to make a lot of people cry. Eventually he informed me they had stopped talking because he didn't approve of my new boyfriend. I reassured him I didn’t have a boyfriend and he had nothing to worry about. That didn't seem to reassure him, though. We talked for hours until he finally had to go, promising to see me soon. I told him I looked forward to that which made him really quiet and then he hung up.

 

I made Mum cry today because my calendar was on January. I asked her why that made her sad, but she didn’t answer right away, just mumbled something to herself and took a deep breath. She's been acting really weird. I tried to talk to her about Christmas dinner but she didn’t seem to want to talk about it. She loves Christmas as much as I do, so something must be very wrong. I'll have to investigate. Maybe get her a really good gift. That will cheer her up! She made me dinner and left with a short goodbye. I'll get her a new dress. Mum loves dresses.

 

My phone has a lot of contacts of people I don't know. I played a game today where I called everyone in my phone one by one. Some were confused, but most were happy to hear from me, chatting away about their lives. I didn’t get a chance to talk much, people always want to talk about themselves. A lot of them seemed confused when I asked them about their plans for New Year's. That was strange. The others just changed the subject. I knew most of them, but when I called someone named Arthur he didn’t seem like he wanted to talk to me at all. He just said that he was really busy and that maybe he would see me later. At the end of the call he took a breath as if he was going to add something, but then he hung up before I could even ask what it was.

 

Arthur was around a lot today. He's very weird. I like him though. He made me the best BLT on the planet for lunch and even brought over a huge jug of chocolate milk. I hugged him and poured myself a glass immediately. He smiled as he watched me drink it, refusing to have his own glass. We watched Doctor Who together, making fun of the cheesy graphics and the awful voices of the daleks. He asked if I remembered that I had a crush on David Tennant, and I scoffed because how could I ever forget that! That seemed to please him, so he went back to watching the show with a silly grin on his face. When he hugged me goodbye he smelled really good, almost familiar, but he lingered a bit too long, making me a bit uncomfortable. He pulled away and apologized, asking if he could come by tomorrow. I told him he's always welcome to come over. He sighed and told me he would call me tomorrow morning. I was so excited, but he didn’t seems as excited as I was when I told him I looked forward to his phone call.

 

Today, Arthur asked if he could kiss me, but when I told him no he looked as if he was going to punch something. I told him I had a dream about him bringing me chocolate milk and watching Doctor Who with me, which is when he leaned in and asked. I shook my head, because even if I have a memory problem, I didn’t feel comfortable kissing someone I had just met. His face got all scrunched up and he took a deep breath like it was physically difficult for him  _ not _ to kiss me. It was strange. Five minutes later he came around smiling and handing me a glass of water as if nothing had happened. They said  _ I _ have memory problems, but he acted as if he forgot it had even happened.

 

Arthur told me he was my boyfriend… but I can't date someone whom I don’t remember, can I? I like Arthur. I like him a lot. He smells familiar and knows exactly how to make me smile. But… I don't know who he is. Not really. I think we broke up last night. Or, well… I think I hurt him enough that he won't be back anytime soon. It makes me really sad, but maybe it's for the best. I don’t know if it counts as a break up if I didn't even know we were dating, but it sure felt like one; I cried myself to sleep that night.

 

Mum called today and told me that it's not Christmas time any more. It's the end of summer. Apparently, I had a car accident a month ago and since have had a lot of trouble remembering things since winter. I told her that she must be kidding because I would have remembered Christmas! She wasn't, though. She seemed tired and distracted, but didn’t seem like she was lying. I asked her why she was so tired and all she to me was she didn’t have much help taking care of me anymore. I asked her who used to help her, and she told me about someone named Arthur. I've never met an Arthur before. Mum knows all my friends, so maybe it was a friend of hers. She got really quiet after that and stayed that way till she went home.

 

Today I met the cutest guy! His name is Gwaine. He stopped by the house after work and asked if he could come in. Apparently, we had a mutual friend who told him about the accident, so he wanted to stop by to see how I was doing. I told him I was great and couldn't even remember it, so it must not have been that bad. He actually laughed at my joke. No one ever laughs at my jokes anymore; they mostly just look at me with pity. Gwaine left me a phone number before he went home, saying I should call it if I ever needed anything at all. At first I thought it was his, but he told me it was the number of a man, named Arthur. Gwaine also said that this man would love to hear from me at any point. Later, I typed the number into my phone and saw it was already saved. Maybe he was the mutual friend that Gwaine was talking about. Weird. Gwaine is strange. Cute but strange nonetheless.

 

I found notes all over my apartment today. The one on my nightstand said, “You like to sleep in. Take it easy today.” I found one on the fridge that said, “Chocolate is not breakfast food. You also like eggs. Try that first, then maybe you can have some chocolate.” The note on the TV told me I liked the show Downton Abbey which was true. I even remembered what episode I was on. I found one in the shower that said, “Bubble bath is under the sink. Be good to yourself.” But the one that caught my attention the most was the one on my mirror in the bathroom. “Babe, the scar on your face was from an accident. I know you don't remember, but don't be scared. Call me if you need anything. My number is in your phone. -Arthur.”

 

Mum came over like she has been since the accident. She asked me if I followed the instructions in the notes that were left in my flat. I couldn’t remember if I did yesterday, but I read them today. She smiled and went to take out the trash. I told her that I could take out my own trash, my memory was shit, but I was physically fine. She froze and turned to me slowly, asking if I remembered the accident. I told her no, I only remember bits of things, like that I have trouble storing short term memories. But I remembered a blonde man that used to come around sometimes. Her eyes grew wide. I asked her if she could ask him for help, since she was clearly overworked. Without answering my question, she went to her purse and pulled out her phone. She showed me a picture of a nice looking man and… me. Oh. I asked her who it was, but she didn’t answer that either, just pulled the phone back and shook her head. Then I asked her who Arthur was and she told me he was an ex-boyfriend. We didn't talk much after that. I felt uncomfortable and sad. That picture made my heart hurt for some reason.

 

I remember New Year's Eve. The doctor said that was good. I even remember when I woke up in the hospital and few months ago. All good improvements, apparently. I still don't know who left the notes all over my flat. I don’t know an Arthur. Or at least I don't think I do. I haven’t been working, I know that. I feel lazy, and it just feels like time is passing. I don’t know how to explain it, but I wake up some mornings not so confused. Of course I don't remember most mornings either. Maybe that's why I feel more positive, because I only remember the good mornings when things don't feel so foggy... But why can't I remember this Arthur person? He obviously cared for me, why haven't I seen him since the accident?

 

I remember more from the party! That's where I met someone named Arthur! The man who left the notes. He was at Gwaine’s New Year's Eve party, dressed much nicer than anyone there. He caught my attention immediately, but I was too nervous to talk to him at first. Will made me drink and told me to talk to him or her would talk to him for me, which was a bad idea because Will knows all my embarrassing secrets. Arthur was sweet, and he laughed easily. He made me feel at ease at the party where I knew very little of the guests. I think we kissed at midnight, but I was also drunk that night, so I had a legitimate excuse to not remember everything. I remember going home, though and calling Mum immediately. He was someone special. Clearly, he was, because those notes weren't the kind of things people know about their acquaintances. Arthur wasn’t just a friend. He may have been more. But still, why was he not around?

 

The doctor gave me a bunch of papers today. Apparently, I had been seeing him every week since the accident and wrote a journal entry every time I saw him. A lot of them included Arthur. After reading them, everything made sense and… well it didn’t either. I was hurt and confused and tried to remember everything I wrote about. But I couldn't. I wanted to remember watching Doctor who with him while we ate BLT sandwiches, and have him tell me all about how my cat was my best friend. I wanted to remember his laugh, and the way he looked at me as if I was the most precious thing to him. I wanted to remember where we were when we took that picture Mum showed me, and if we were truly that happy, or maybe had just had a fight. I wanted to remember everything in between the New Year's Party and the accident, even if the memories were of only Arthur. I wanted so badly to know him the way I  _ had  _ known him. But the memories were gone. Erased. It was the cruelest thing of all that the feelings had not been taken with my memories. My slippery brain remembered my cat, my mum, and what episode of Downton Abbey I had last seen, but not Arthur... Maybe I can fix this. Maybe. I will call him tonight.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Arthur. It's me. Merlin. I think you know me pretty well, but I don't really know you at all. And for some reason that feels like a tragedy. You were my boyfriend, weren't you? And I think I broke up with you, which was a big mistake, because from what I do know about you, you seem like the best person I have ever met. You seem cute and funny and I think I must have liked you a whole lot because I find myself missing you even though I don't know your last name. I am so sorry I broke up with you. I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have -”

 

“Merlin.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Breathe.”

 

“Right. Anyway. I'm sorry I forgot you. Really. But, I don't want to forget you. I want to remember you. But if I can't have that, I want to make new memories with you.”

 

“Merlin…”

 

“I remembered something today.”

 

“What's that?”

 

“Meeting you.”

 

“Really?” 

 

“Yeah. And I remembered this whole week and part of the past few months. I've been doing really well, Arthur. The doctor gave me my journal entries today and I read them all. A lot had things about you… and, well, from what I can see I think I really liked you. Would you… do you think maybe we could start again?”

 

“Merlin…”

 

“Please. I just want to know who you are. And I don’t want you to give up on me yet.”

 

“I wouldn't.”

 

“Would you like to come over and talk with me? Just talk. No funny business.”

 

“There is nothing I would love more than to come over and talk to you, love.”

 

“Love?”

 

“Sorry. Merlin. I meant to say Merlin.”

 

“No, it's okay. That's fine. Call me whatever you're comfortable calling me. I mean, we'll take it slow, but… yeah. I can only imagine how strange this must be for you.”

 

“It… I guess. But I don’t want to scare you off again.”

 

“Sorry.”

 

“Don’t be, Merlin. Please. It's not your fault.”

 

“Okay… So you'll come over, then?”

 

“Yeah. You know, I never called you ‘love’ before the accident.”

 

“What?”

 

“I didn’t tell you that I loved you. You said it first and I froze up. Then…”

 

“Arthur, hey… it's okay. I'm fine.”

 

“Yeah. I know.”

 

“Did I do something wrong?”

 

“No. Not at all.”

 

“I think I can maybe see why I loved you.”

 

“Why is that?”

 

“Because it's pretty damn clear you loved me, Arthur. Or. Love me, rather. And I sorta have a thing for guys that have a thing for me.”

 

“You are such a weirdo, Merlin.”

 

“See, somehow, I don't believe you.”

 

“Yeah, right. You are a weirdo, though.”

 

“I don’t remember that at all. So. Are you going to come over?”

 

“Yeah. Yeah, I'll come over tonight. And… Merlin?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I know you don't know much about me yet, but I need to tell you something.”

 

“What's that?”

 

“I love you.”

 

“You know what's funny?”

 

“What?”

 

“I might already love you too.”

 

“Shut up, Merlin.”

**Author's Note:**

> I watched Finding Dory and wrote something. I'm sorry I'm not sorry. It has a happy ending at least!
> 
> Partly inspired by Natasha's work, [A Day to Remember](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7539271).


End file.
